Welcome back to The Folklore Chronicles with a poem inspired by the song “cardigan” from Taylor Swift’s folklore album. Check out my first poem in the series with “the 1.”
I Knew You (And Still Do)
You beckoned me over, patting your lap, enticing me with
exactly what you knew I wanted: attention and affection.
But even at 15 I suspected those intentions. You assumed
I knew nothing. Tried to tell me I was your favorite. I was young
but I knew. I laughed and shook my head. I was too smart
to fall for that trick. You soon turned your attention to the
second and told her she was your favorite. And for a long
time I was so proud it wasn’t me you made cry. But I can’t help
but wonder: What if I’d let you make me cry? Would I be
so smart now? Would I still know everything like I did then?
Swift’s lyrics in this song talk directly to young heartbreak. It’s easy to see teen romance and love as something easily written off. Even as a teenager at the time, I got caught up in the internalized misogyny of, “I’m not like other girls.” I thought girls who fell for the stupid things boys did were cringey and dumb. I never thought about the boys and the responsibility they held for their own actions.
The society and culture I grew up in taught me I had the responsibility “to know better.” I didn’t often hear, if at all, that boys had a responisbility to control their actions. We most often hear, “Boys will be boys.” It puts the onus on girls to stave off their efforts at putting their hands on you.
Listening to cardigan, although not directly about this, made me think about this sociocultural value placed on women. That in turn brought to mind a memory I have from my friends group in high school. I wrote that memory into this poem, looking back at how proud I was to “know better.” But with the wisdom and education I have now, I wonder if I hadn’t known better, would I be kind to myself now? I wonder if I could have been kinder to my friend.
It’s easy to pass judgment on a situation when it’s not you. We often speculate how we would have reacted or behaved in a similar situation. We think ourselves so much smarter than the people an event happened to. But in reality, we have no idea how we will think or act until we find ourselves in the same moment. And often only then will we realize how unkind we have been to our friends, family and fellow humans.
Thanks for checking out this segment and hope you enjoy following along!